I enjoyed watching the recording again and sitting in the TAs. I noticed I missed some things that people had shared when I was upset so it was good to hear others examples for the TAs. I enjoyed sitting in the TA, An anxiety attack is proof I’m getting sane/waking up and loosing it and that’s okay. I really see how anxiety attacks is one of the things that wakes me up the most! I a reminded that it was my anxiety attacks that took me on my spiritual journey and without them I would probably still be sleep walking. I also noticed in this session that I never allowed myself to called them anxiety/panic attacks as I was in such denial. I called them panics. I am giggling at this. It’s as though I was open to half of it as I couldn’t not be but not prepared to go the full hog. I was afraid to face it and I never went to see a doctor about them. When I think of how this I feel sad as I did not have a lot of compassion for myself. I was angry with myself and this is good to notice.
Hey Michelle, I love you noticing how anxiety attacks is one of the things that wakes you up the most. That’s the same for me. I sometimes wish for anxiety to come, because it motivates me to slow down and to be extremely present.
Wow, “you sometimes wish for anxiety to come, because it motivates me to slow down and to be extremely present”. This is a real TA that I would like to live….especially the sometimes wish for part. When I look back, I used to get to a certain state and I would go see and seek help. It WAS the only time I slowed down and seeked support to find some answers. This would happen every 6 months or more and it was usually when I was very stressed and ‘running away from myself’. They really did reign me in and stop and check what was going on in me. So good to read your wish and thank you.
Taking away the freedom experienced with “what is the worst that can happen?” and ending with I would be useless, then loving that uselessness: I am free, I don’t have to be useful. Just like in the inquiry, getting out of Life’s business.
Nothing more sweet than loving the unlovable <3 <3
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