This was interesting. I worked on the need from anxiety/panic attacks, I need Michelle to give me the attention I deserve and questioned I need that from her. No came up for me in Q1 which my mind was doubting but I moved onto Q3. I noticed anxieties reaction was very much like my own when I need attention from others and I believe I deserve it from them. Without the thought in Q4 all is well and there is a very big difference with and without this thought. The demander has gone. The TAs were interesting. I don’t need that from her (Michelle). What came up was that anxiety didn’t need this attention from Michelle but wanted it. It said, I’m her friend, I am the friendly universe, I love her, I’m here to help, support, guide and love her. I’m here to reMIND her who she is and show her the way home to herself – she is the light. The other TA, I need that from me was quite different. It felt more what I need from me rather than what anxiety needs from anxiety but I am trusting what came up. It reads, I am unsettled in myself and so I need me to trust in myself to be. I need me to give me the attention I am seeking from Michelle. I need me to look me in the eye and meet myself and give me the attention I need. I’m split in two. I see Michelle as being my savior, and I see that I could give me the attention I give to her to myself and cut the middle woman out. Gosh the energy I spend trying to get her (Michelle) attention when I could give me that. It’s my job until it’s not. It’s all love, all of it. Trust in me. Follow your heart. All is well.
I love your sharing, Michelle! Especially to “cut the middle woman out” 🙂 I also love that you allowed yourself to experience whatever came up and not tried ‘to get it’ or ‘to do it right’. That’s just perfect!
Insight: I noticed that if I call a panic attack a panic attack, I am in the ‘I know mind’ and fall into the loop of the imagined past and future and off I go into the daymare. I had the realisation that I can treat it like the morning walk and notice it without naming it, and notice what happens. “An unquestioned mind is the only suffering” BK. When I name it panic attack, I suffer as I have a story of panic attacks, I have past and future images and I have imagined feelings/sensations. I am interested to practice the morning walk exercise and notice what happens. I can also question , I experienced panic attacks.
Exactly so! That is why I value the morning walk so much. Thát in combination with inquiry is what sets me free!
Anxiety said: I want you to let me be.
I am facilitating anxiety, asking it, is it true? Yes.
Can you absolutely know it is true? No.
And how do you react, what happens when you believe the thought, I want Nanou Anne to let me be? I want to show her I am powerful, that she is not going to win.
Who would you be without the thought? Working with her and not against her.
How would you turn the thought around? I want me to let myself be. She has a story about me, I have a story about her, we are in this power struggle, this passive/aggressive game. If I get on with my business, at least one of us is doing it, it is a beginning.
I want me to let her be. If I let her be, I will have one story instead of two, mine. She is not longer the ennemy. We can start communicating out of kindness.
I don’t want Nanou Anne to let me be. That is not her job, that’s my job. She cannot control me, I can stop trying so hard.
I want her to try and control me. I am seeing the pattern: I have to use more power, I have to prove that I exist, as if she would let me be it could mean I don’t exist.
With that inquiry and my partner work on “it’s holding me down” I am observing the passive attitude: (victimhood and blaming) and the agressive attitude (strength and rightfullness) And even these are interchangeable.
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