I printed this off and read it again after partner work today and every word of it resonates with me. I can see how true the first line is for me – “When you feel anxious, don’t pretend not to be anxious, for this feeds the anxiety and adds an extra layer”. The extra layer is what I noticed today in my partner work. Feeling embarrassed about the panic attack is the 2nd layer that haunts me and carries the story. I seen that without this 2nd layer, the panic attack ends right there and it does not get carried with the cause and effect of my story of embarrassment – especially the thought – “it’s not okay to feel embarrassed forever”. I changed the words in this post to – When you feel embarrassed, don’t pretend not to be embarrassed, for this feeds the embarrassment (story) and adds an extra layer. This extra layer strengthens the fear of anxiety as I see me feeling embaressed in the future.
Such a wonderful post. I also changed another part, “Embarrassment is just a little child, who has arrived in your space. It has not come to ruin you, or hurt you, but WAKE you up. It only wants to be acknowledged, held allowed into the vastness of the moment”.
We also read the Rumi poem, Guest House, and added embarrassment in as one of the momentary that comes as an unexpected visitor. The last part of the poem supports me as it states, “Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond”. In inquiry I had the insight that this is God showing up in me and I often push God away. I always ask to experience God in a deeper way and here it is and I don’t meet God. So good to notice xo So good to try on, I am willing to feel embarrassed for ever, I am open, I am am ready and I look forward to feel embarrassed forever. I noticed that I did not like sitting in It’s not okay not to feel embarrassed forever as I seen me as being robotic and mechanical. I would rather feel embarrassed that not feel it at all forever. It happens in any case and I have not control – just like being breathed. When I drop the story of ’embarrassed’ – it is warm sensations in my face.
i just re-visted this quote by Jeff Foster and, like Michelle, found that every part of it resonates with me. This morning my husband sat in the dark with me, with one candle burning, to hear my turnarounds to the inquiry I started before the alarm went off. In question 4 I had noticed how naturally and immediately I softened towards that feeling of pressure (is that what it is?) in my heart, how tender and gentle I felt towards it, as if it were a scared child. At that moment I didn’t remember the quote, or any of the times I’ve been guided to meet my thoughts and the sensations in the body as a child or a guest. I totally forgot this approach. And yet, it just happened naturally in the space without the thought “It’s not ok for this to go on forever.” Where there is no forever, or any kind of future, my attention naturally goes to the sensation in my heart, and sits there in stillness, leaning in, arms open, listening, curious, inviting, welcoming.
It’s so good to see how natural this response is! It’s not something I have to remember to do (though I can approach it that way). It’s something that just happens. I meet the sensation as I would a precious little one, and I don’t, can’t make any demands of it at all. I simply accept that it is here, and I am at peace.
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