Last night I was awake and noticing a feeling in my chest on my left side. I felt it as uncomfortable, a pressure of some sort, and noticed how my thoughts got very busy wishing it would go away. I tried a bit to feel into it and let it be there, but then would very quickly feel uncomfortable and follow my thoughts in their swirly frenzy. The second time I got up to go to the bathroom my husband woke up too. I remembered this homework assignment I had yet to do and asked him to facilitate for me (as he often does in the middle of the night when I have anxiety). I inquired into the whole phrase “It”s not ok to feel this way forever because i can’t get anything done when I feel like this.” It was a little long, but it seemed helpful to hold it all in my mind.
When I got to question 4 I noticed that without the thought my natural inclination was to get still and lean into the feeling in my chest. My chest softened and my breathing deepened (where with the thought I could hardly draw a breath). I felt a space open up around me, like a bubble, in which time didn’t really move. It was a timeless space. I was aware that there may be things to do in the world outside of that bubble, and I felt sure that I would be able to meet them, but at the moment, nothing was being asked of me.
In the turn arounds I noticed how totally valuable this sensation in my chest is for the way that it causes me to pause and breathe and notice what’s going on. I see how busy I often am in my mind, and how hard it can be to slow down and be mindful when I’m feeling ok, and that this feeling gives me the perfect opportunity to pause and notice. It is a temple bell, calling my attention back into my body, into my direct experience, into the timeless now of the moment. This feeling in my chest – whatever it is (and I’m still not even sure what it is!) – is my best friend of awakening.
Yes, in question 4 we enter a timeless space indeed. And without ANY thought, without ANY identification, we (consciousness) become what we experience. We becóme the sensation. And it ís forever. In that moment forever. And we wouldn’t name it anything, because there is nothing else. How can we name the only thing that exists? In that moment nothing else exists but the sensation. And we wouldn’t even know. Because there is no comparison with a time before or after this experience. I discovered this by questioning: “I am”.
You must be logged in to post a comment.