One liner: Being vulnerable means that I am totally exposed
Situation: Last Friday, I was on the 4.30pm train from St Pancras to Ashford on the way to visit my brother and his family. I sat down opposite a young tattooed skinhead with a mohican and believed that he looked a lost soul (and using him as my mirror, I noticed that I was actually the lost soul.) And remembering the Brene Brown poster that Marijke had posted where it says “Do something where there are no guarantees” and “Invest in a relationship that may or may not work,” I thought I want to practise invulnerability and talk to him. And in that moment, I had the thought “I will be totally exposed, everyone around me (and the carriage was full) will hear our conversation and judge me.” And this thought was accompanied by a feeling of panic and shutting down.
And these were my findings during my partner work with Michelle:-
• In Q4, I am connected and in my own business
• I will be totally exposed and that’s ok (and that was the biggest revelation of my Work yesterday)
• I am willing to be totally exposed
• I look forward to being totally exposed
• I ask myself “Whose business am I in if I’m not willing to be totally exposed?” and that brings me home to myself
• When I claim thoughts (everyone will judge me) as my own ie. I believe these thoughts, then I suffer. I am being breathed, I am being thought. Thoughts are like clouds in the sky. And remembering this brings me back to peace again.
• What’s the worst that could happen when everyone around me in the carriage hears what I am saying to him? They judge me, they think of me negatively. And that’s their business. I am connected and in my own business and they are welcome to think what they like.
And ps. I did talk to him and it turned out he was the manager of an art gallery in London, married with children, and about to take on a new job managing an art gallery in Seoul, South Korea. We had a lovely encounter.
What a story, Cecilia! I totally love it. What a gift you gave yourself <3
and pps. Again, looking at Brene Brown’s poster, when I stop controlling and predicting (ie. in my situation above, jumping into a fearful future scenario and predicting an outcome – that people would listen to me and judge me) then I experience the most lovely, fearless encounters (ie. having a connection with a total stranger)
“Being vulnerable means I’m weak”
Situation: Around age of 16, at home with my 2 siblings after a fight. They give each other ‘the look’ and I believe that they are thinking bad about me.
3) I feel lonely and rejected. I pretend I don’t care. I literally turn my back to them. I feel small, inferior. That’s why I blow myself up to look strong and superior.
4) I relax. Turn towards them. Realize that I was acting out during the fight. I’d say ‘sorry’. I feel innocent and strong. I see forgiveness in their eyes. We are connected.
TA: Being vulnerable doesn’t mean I’m weak (I don’t feel weak in Q4, my sisters probably respect me more, I feel very grounded, present)
TA: Being vulnerable means I’m strong (in Q4 I felt strong, connected to the innocence, connected to myself, connected to my sisters)
TA: Being ‘strong’ means I’m weak (when I pretend, when I try too hard, when I disconnect)
TA: Being vulnerable means I’m weak and that’s okay (I’d rather feel weak than the discomfort of pretending I’m strong, I disconnect to the whole world including me, it’s not my experience anymore that vulnerability equals weakness and if other people think that, it’s out of my business and control anyway.
Being vulnerable means I’m weak and that’s okay.
I resonate with choosing to be okay with feeling weak rather than pretending I am strong. This takes up a lot of energy. I notice that I hide my true self because I am pretending. The gap between my true self and who I pretend to be, causes me to hide and this enables the fear of being vulnerable – being seen for who I truly am. It causes me anxiety – fear of being caught out. I am fighting against myself here as I am the one that creates the imagined false self (ego) and my true self (true nature) and it’s me that is hiding this from me although I think that I am hiding it from other people….. Checkmate
I just typed up a big res ponce and I lost wifi and it all got lost. I will share in the class my work.
In my partner work I continued with the belief that Vulnerability is scary. I could see how my thoughts about the situation were scaring me and the situation really wasn’t causing the vulnerability. I Could also see in this situation where I was ‘secretly trying to hustle or manipulate’ others to meet the need. I was very attached to the outcome.
The situation is one that is going to happen in the near future and the outcome is unknown, but I have a specific outcome I want to have happen! So I am attached. I feel scared that I won’t get want I want or need and in this situation and that others will think poorly of me – or judge me for being an idiot. I need a deck moved from one campsite to another and I am 100% dependent (feels vulnerable) on others to help me get this done. I do not know how to do it. I need them and I hate needing anything from anyone. I want to hide and isolate myself. I keep trying to believe what is in my highest and best interest will unfold, but again the attachment to the outcome was tripping me up. After doing the inquiry I felt more at peace with whatever happens. I am grateful I have this opportunity to learn and grow within myself and feel and allow the vulnerability I feel to have expression – to hold it. This situation also feels like a “pack” where there are many other beliefs tied into it so one thought is triggering another and so on.
Being single is very vulnerable to me. other women can just call on their husbands to figure heavy duty stuff out. I feel like a specticle in this situation too like a weak needy female. becasue I need someone who knows what they are doing to help resolve the situation. I can see the hustle that happens in the fear. The tension of trying to get my needs met by avoiding vulnerability.
I love the Brene Brown Quotes!
OH I wanted to add something. Thank you for your comment Michelle about courage. I could see how courage can be weakness and cover up vulnerability as well. Look at me, I’m tough, I can handle this, but that is not true courage. Every thought, feeling, belief has a high side and a low side or light side and dark side. I want to come out of the dark!
For Kim – Your work above reminds me how clever I am in pretending to myself that I don’t have an outcome. I can be so subtle and clever in manipulating myself into believing I am being authentic that I don’t even notice it’s manipulation pretending to be honesty.
And I love “feel and allow the vulnerability.” Thank you for voicing this Kim.
Oh my!!! Yes, I manipulate myself too!! I was only seeing it from me doing that to others outside myself but I do it to me too!!
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