I worked on “The worst that can happen is they’ll see me as dumb”. The situation was: Sitting with friends. They’re using a term that’s unfamiliar to me. When I say something, it becomes obvious that I don’t know what it means and they correct me. I’m mortified and try to hide my hurt. I feel very disconnected from them and myself. When I let go of the thought, I could see myself saying: “I didn’t know that. And by the way, I always feel so dumb during these kind of conversations.” It is so freeing to be honest! I felt a deep intimate connection to myself and our friends. I realized: this is what it’s all about. The rest is all blabla (which is sometimes fine too).
“And by the way, I always feel so dumb during these kind of conversations.” How wonderful and honest to be free enough to say that. Thanks Marijke. You are reminding me to be transparent and clear with myself as soon as I believe I’m feeling vulnerable.
The worst thing that can happen is that I will look stupid
Situation: the cocktail party in Paris when a stranger asked me “What is civilisation?” In that moment, I froze and had the thought “I don’t know. I will look stupid.”
This is what I found in Q4 and the TA’s:-
• It’s just me and him with no story about stupidity. I’m relaxed and open towards him and enjoying the connection with this stranger
• I’m honest
• I’m in my business and connected within
• I have options – I can freeze and disconnect from myself. Another option is to stay connected and grounded, look him in the eye and say “I don’t know. What to you is civilisation?” Or I can tell him my thoughts on civilisation. Or digging deep and connecting ever deeper with myself (and thinking of Marijke’s example above) I could say “I’m feeling paralysed here. I can’t think of an answer. Perhaps you could help me out. What to you is civilisation?” I realise that there is always more than one option.
• I am aware of any feelings. I don’t label them and accept them for what they are – neither comfortable or uncomfortable. I welcome them, I’m curious about them, and I allow them to have their dance and pass through as I stay connected within.
• I have no desire to manipulate him in any way to gain his love, approval and appreciation.
• It’s his business what he thinks about me and has nothing to do with me.
• I will look strong and powerful (to myself) through my authenticity.
Inquiry: The worst thing that can happen is that I will be alone.
Situation: Sitting in my bed. I had been punished by mum and dad. I heard the family talking down the stairs about my next-door neighbour dying. I felt so alone.
I fear being alone as I experienced feeling vulnerable and I fear of being vulnerable again in the future. I people please to avoid being alone and vulnerability.
Insights & realisations:
TA: The best thing that can happen is that I will be alone.
I experienced this TA takes the fear of being alone away and I experience peace. It’s like its hit the bottom and the worst that can happen has happened. The fear I have been carrying and scared of is gone when I try this TA on.
TA: The worst thing that can happen are my thoughts about being all alone.
I noticed this is truer as they have scared me for such a long time. The thoughts create vulnerability in me. Without the thought in Q4 I notice that I am okay. I am sitting in my bed and I am comfortable enough. I have time to reflect on what I don’t want to experience again and so I get to re-create myself.
I also noticed in Q4 that I am never alone as I have thoughts/ the voice in my head from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. I am my own partner.
After our work together, I noticed that I have never been alone in reality. I lived in a family of 6, I got married at 29 and have lived with my husband and two kids. I have friends and have never been alone in reality. This is a powerful lie I have believed.
TA: The best thing that can happen is that I will be alone. This felt like the real deal 180-degree . I experienced enjoying me with me. Being alone is good as I get to spend time with myself. This is a gift from the universe as I clearly need this. I could see how being alone is a good thing for me. I saw that Jesus would mediate alone away from his disciples and this was good. Being alone is good to connect with yourself and be with yourself. I notice that I am alone a lot and just never noticed that I enjoyed it so much as the fear blinds me from seeing this!
TA: The worst thing that could happen is that I would be in company/accompanied or around people a lot.
This is true for me as I like being on my own and I never really enjoyed being around large groups of girls and groups of friends for long. I see that I like being alone as I can lose myself when I am being around people.
“After our work together, I noticed that I have never been alone in reality. I lived in a family of 6, I got married at 29 and have lived with my husband and two kids. I have friends and have never been alone in reality.”
I love that you noticed this. It reminds me to take a step back when I’m feeling alone, vulnerable, and look at what is really happening in reality. Thank you Michelle.
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