When working with my partner I noticed that I really wanted to justify and explain myself. I felt like if I shared my shameful thought it would make her feel better somehow about any of her situations. I also felt like it would make me seem ok if she knew the initial situation. I refrained and sat with the discomfort. Actually now that I am writing this, I see how empowering and rich it was to not share that. To share it, for me, would have diluted my experience with the feelings and emotions that arose.
The belief I worked on was “I deserve to be punished”.
It was so strong and has been such an embedded pattern for me that I struggled with the turn arounds. Then I found the opposite I deserve love. my love, all my love. I could see how this pattern as ruled my whole life and many past situations and twisted beliefs from childhood. It’s like the situation was a result of something from long long long before that had nothing to do directly with the topic I started with. To see how the Work takes you places you had no idea were related is incredible.
Hello Kim, yes, isn’t it powerful to notice the wanting to explain and justify and not to do it?
When I go to the TA, I deserve to be praised, I am experiencing so much sweetness. I just want to praise the little precious me.
Ah YES! Thank you for that “praise the little precious me”. I LOVE IT!!!
Having this thought means:
I’m cheating on my husband.
I’m a whore.
I’d be willing to cheat on my husband.
Fantasy with him is better than reality.
I don’t feel fulfilled by my life as it is.
Things aren’t ok the way they are- if I achieved what this thought wants then I would feel fulfilled
I felt a lot of relief during the inquiry. I inquired on “I’m cheating on my husband.” and “Fantasy with him is better than reality.” I noticed I chose to share the situation with my partner lest they think I actually was cheating. As if that would be too unacceptable and then I would be unworthy. Interesting to notice that now how my shame operated in the session.
Hello Rachael, golden nuggets galore.
And the turnarounds were-
I’m not cheating on my husband.
I’m cheating on myself.
I’m loyal to my husband.
Fantasy with him isn’t better than reality.
Fantasy with me is better than reality.
Reality with him is better than fantasy.
Indeed, so good to notice the TAs, and how the foundation might come from my beliefs on cheating, on fantasy and from comparing
Having this thought means that I have no heart.
Insight: I can leave my heart alone, stay out of its business. I am trusting and open.
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